A song of remembrance
by regie27
Summary: Life at the outside world was becoming more confusing for Kamina Ayato but when the opportunity to return was given, he refused it. A song unearths feelings from the past as Ayato wrestles with the confusing yet comforting feelings that it has unveiled


_A song of remembrance_

_A RahXephon fanfiction by regie27_

_Standard disclaimers apply_

It had been a strange and quite eventful day for young Kamina Ayato. Feeling a little chill from the night seeping inside, he reached for the switch that lifted the glass from his side of the car and leaned to the side. Now that Quon had been left in the caring hands of her brother, he could take advantage of the somewhat narrow space of the backseat of Shitow Haruka's car to stretch his long limbs. Every once in a while, his eyes would tilt down to his wristwatch, watching the numbers blink and change, wondering if there was a way to distinguish when it told time on regular time and when not. Perhaps he might need to request a dual time display watch like the one the captain sported after all. These time anomalies were beginning to make his head spin.

His watch had become the only material witness besides Quon, of the latest installment of the string of ever-growing strange events that had been unfolding lately in his life since the day he faced the reality of the domed city he used to live in for the very first time. What it had begun as just a quick stroll inside a strange shrine while searching for Quon, had turned into a frantic missing persons search by the TERRA personnel, who were under the impression that the earth had literally swallowed them both. The minutes he had spent inside the temple had become days for the outside world, long days in which Haruka and the others had persistently looked for them, combing every crook and nanny of the Nirai Island in search of the two youngsters. Their main preoccupation was Quon and her delicate health, but the fact that the pilot of their best and only hope, the RahXephon, was lost too, had all the personnel burdened by a tense wait. The enigmatic girl had last seen wearing the life support vest that monitored her condition, but since she had never been away from the base for more than a few hours, there was a real possibility her health could had deteriorated and everyone was bracing for the worst. The dark circles that pooled under Dr. Kisaragi's eyes and his uptight countenance were evidenced of the toll this mysterious disappearance act was taking in everyone. Ayato couldn't shake the feeling that the doctor knew more that he would ever reveal about the specific details of their strange vanishing act, but he was way too tired to even attempt to extricate more information from the scientist.

There had been another strange event that had his mind sunk into a tailspin. During his wandering inside the darkened and narrow corridors, he had suddenly felt himself floating above the reddish orb that covered Tokyo. The phenomenon he had learned to know as Tokyo-Jupiter beckoned him with the promise of return to what he had known until few months ago as his home. His mother, his friends, maybe even the mystery girl that haunted him, Mishima Reika, al waited inside the barrier. Motivated by the unique chance to return to his old life, he sensed a strange force attracting him down towards the orb. Suddenly, a song that seemed to come from afar began to filter inside his conscience. The melody captured his attention fully now as he let his eyes close, giving himself in to the comforting, warm presence that engulfed him. When he opened up his eyes again, the white light of the moon was shimmering above in the dark sky and he found himself staring at the tear moistened eyes of Captain Shitow Haruka as she held him close with a relieved expression on her face.

"Ayato-kun…I've found you!"

Now, as she drove away from the Kisaragi's mansion, he kept meditating on the song. It had been the same song that he had heard from Haruka's headphones that morning, but oddly enough, he sensed it wasn't the first time he had heard the soft tune, that he had known it from before. The song had stirred a sense of melancholy, of nostalgia for a place and a time that felt distant, lost long ago. He had even hummed along the tune and Haruka had then joined him as they drove away. As they hummed, the lyrics and melody of the song came to him but the boy couldn't pinpoint how this was so, since that morning had been the first time he knew of the song, or so he had thought until then.

Besides the song itself, the other thing that had kept burning in his mind was the fact that it had been none other than Haruka's voice that had lured him back to reality and away from Tokyo-Jupiter. He could still picture himself gently closing his eyes as he allowed the soft voice guide him out until he found himself cradled by the TERRA operative and instants later almost suffocated by her tight embrace. It had been a little bit awkward but deep inside, Ayato had felt glad it had been her who found him and not anyone else, because he might had otherwise regretted his decision of not returning back home.

"Well Ayato-kun, guess your long day of adventure finally comes to an end, eh?" commented Haruka from the driver's seat as she pulled her canary colored car towards their home.

"I guess so" replied Ayato, "although, technically, I was away for days, isn't it?"

"Uhuh. The Tokyo-Jupiter phenomenon repeated itself in that shrine. I bet the research guys will love to take a shot at it now. But I'm glad…"

"Of what?" the boy said as he climbed off the car, following the TERRA agent inside the house.

Haruka gave him a tender glance. "I'm glad that you chose to return to us."

* * *

Ayato had climbed to his futon more than an hour ago but sleep seemed to be eluding him. He could sense the weariness in his body yet his mind kept its gears operating on their own accord. "Why I chose to return? I don't have anything to tie me to this place…or do I?" The chords of _Katun no Sadame_ began playing inside his mind again, accompanied by the distinctive gentle voice of Haruka humming the tune. Again, the sense of nostalgia, of feelings that seemed to have been buried deep inside resurfaced as he struggled to understand them and where they came from.

"Did I return because of her?" he dared to question hesitantly. It made no sense. She had been the person who had forcefully brought him out of his world and into this new reality where he piloted a mechanical deity no one else could fathom to control. Because of her, he had found out the blood that coursed inside his mother's veins was as blue as the depths of the sea. Haruka's presence lingered inexplicably all over him and it was something he couldn't understand yet he had to concede it was true. Even more, he was quite certain he would always be there to help him out, yet there were no specific reasons for her to be this way with him. And it made it all the more difficult for him to define his emotions towards her.

Emotions. Why he was even thinking such thoughts when there was no reason to do so? There wasn't really anything that tied them together aside work and the common living space they shared with the others, but somehow, the captain had become a fixture of his life far beyond what he would have wanted. He had become weary of finding himself alone with her for too long, lest his eyes should betray the thoughts that dared to lodge in his mind, thoughts that he was sure weren't appropriate for him to have, not only because she was 12 years older than him but more important, because he barely knew her and the mere pretense that she could even think of him the same way was ludicrous. Kamina considered himself a fairly normal and healthy adolescent and as an artist, he knew how to recognize and appreciate beauty. It would be either a foolish man or a blind man that whom wouldn't find Haruka attractive and he was neither. Yet, what was about her that made her stand out so much, even when surrounded by an above average gathering of attractive women? That he hadn't been able to determine it yet made little difference to change the fact that he was indeed attracted to her, age difference and all, and that at the same time, it was utterly and overwhelmingly confusing.

The boy draped an arm over his face as he stifled a yawn. He had found himself battling these thoughts more often lately, and it was becoming increasingly more difficult for him to mask these conflicting feelings in her presence and their lingering effects in his unconscious mind. More than one morning he had woke up flustered and intensely embarrassed by his betraying thoughts, yet he doubted there was a way he could avoid having them. Or perhaps, he feared to admit, he did not want to find out how to stop them.

"Because" he murmured to himself before finally yielding to sleep "in my dreams is the only place I can hope you could feel the same for me."

* * *

The soft summer breeze caressed his cheeks and messed his hair. The sunlight kissed his skin with its warmth as the seagulls floated above him, dancing along with the air currents. A slight seesaw movement rocked the floor beneath him. Ayato bowed his head downwards and noticed that his bare feet stood above the polished and smooth surface of a boat. His glance scanned his whereabouts. He was back at the beach at Kanai and he was again boarding the yacht he had been at the day before. Dusk was slowly setting and Ayato could hear the sound of the waves crashing against the dock. He moved against the railing of the yacht and noticed that the beach was practically empty, yet he wasn't disturbed by the fact.

"Time sure flies eh, Ayato-kun" a female voice commented casually behind him.

Ayato turned on his heels knowing already who had addressed him. It was her. He had been expecting her all along.

"Oh, hi Haruka-san. I thought you had left with the others to swim."

"I already did plenty of swimming but now I would just like to lie down and relax."

"And how was the water?"

"It was cool and refreshing. You should try it."

"I'm fine. The view from here has been breathtaking and I have been able to do some good sketches."

"I'm glad" the captain retorted as she took off her shirt and lay face down over one of the beach chairs available at the deck. Ayato dared to glance at her direction with the corner of his eye. He drew in a sharp breath. His position gave him a quite advantageous position to observe the TERRA officer without appearing to be so obvious in his insistent yet discreet glances, not that it mattered, since it appeared there were the only people boarding the boat at the moment. In fact, the moment was reminiscent of their days at the Miura Peninsula when they used an abandoned boat as their refuge while Haruka waited for their rescue. But back then, she hadn't been wearing a black bikini that displayed her figure in all its voluptuous glory.

"Ayato-kun" her voice sounded muffled. "Could you do me a big favor?"

"Hai" he replied as he feigned to be scribbling at his sketchpad. He hoped he hadn't noticed his glance.

"I was hoping if you could help me out with the sunblock lotion. I'm afraid most of it came off with my last swim. I know the sun isn't as strong now but I don't want to take any chances."

"Sure" he replied, thankful he sounded way more confident than he really felt. Ayato stood up, leaving his sketchpad and pencils behind and moved towards the captain. He pulled a chair that was parallel to hers and sat down. He looked down and found a bottle of sunblock lotion that was lying beside her belongings. He could hear the subdued sound of music that came from her headset. Her body laid still, completely relaxed over the long chair. Her eyes were closed and slightly veiled by the strands of stray hair that fell over her forehead. He poured some of the cool cream on the palm of his hand and rubbed it vigorously against the other. The boy inhaled as he readied to lower his hands over her back, making a conscious effort to control their slight tremble. When he felt he had mustered enough courage, he let his hands fall over her shoulders, distributing an even coat of the cream over the shoulders, slowing the pace to enjoy the ticklish sensation when his knuckles brushed against her slightly damp hair. His hands carefully glided past the shoulders down to the length of her arms and back up again. Her skin was even smoother than he had expected but he noticed with observant eyes the lines that hinted of toned sinew and muscle upon her shoulders and arms. Grabbing the bottle, Ayato poured some of the cream directly over the hollow where the shoulder blades met and began to distribute it evenly down her back.

"Hmmm" Haruka commented almost purring. "The cream feels cool but your hands are so warm."

Ayato tensed when his fingers intertwined with the strap of the top of her bikini. Not wanting to stain the fabric with the cream, he maneuvered around, making the utmost effort to avoid even shifting the strap from its place.

"If the strap bothers you, you can just unclasp it" he thought he heard her say, the tone of her voice sultry yet relaxed. He jerked his head up, wondering if he had heard her right. Ayato glanced at the bikini strap hesitantly, feeling a nervous lump lodging on his throat. A string of sweatdrops began to crown his forehead, damping the locks of hair that fell in disarray over his brow.

"I promise I will not move" she added with a very impish intonation. If she wished for him to calm down, it backfired. Ayato wondered if Haruka knew exactly how arousing that playful tone of hers could be. Still, the quicker he proceeded, the quicker he could move away from the increasingly tempting scenario. It was already breaking havoc into his thoughts and body, as he consciously coaxed himself to relax as he kept moving downwards but it wasn't working. He could sense his own body tensing as he helped her relax, kneading vigorously into the knots he kept finding, surely the byproduct of long hours of work. This in fact had been the first time he had seen her with her guard down, truly relaxed. His fingers slid to her sides and suddenly graced ever so slightly the outer edge of her breasts. He shut his eyes and let out a long breath, trying to forget about the fact that his own hands had been the ones that had unclasped the strap. Sighing nervously, he bent to look for the bottle and for an excuse to break for an instant the contact with her skin. A small dab of cream was placed on just above the waist as he decided to let his eyes wander off to distract himself of the fact that his hands were now hovering above her buttocks. He was glad she was facing down because it would be hard for him to explain the insistent blush that burned his cheeks and refused to go away and his slightly agitated breathing.

Letting out a nervous cough, Ayato ventured to speak.

"Haruka-san, I think we're done." His voice sounded slightly hoarse.

"You're done so quickly? I was just about to fall asleep. You surely have a lot of hidden talents, Ayato-kun."

"Thank you Haruka-san" he stammered.

"But you forgot something. Could you please fasten the clasp of the bikini, unless…"

"Oh, gomen Haruka-san!" Ayato hurried to say without even daring to allow Haruka to end her sentence. His fingers fumbled nervously with the strap.

"Hmm, I think you were better with the unclasping than the clasping" she commented with a wicked laugh.

Ayato felt the color drain from his face but finally managed to clasp the strap and seconds later his eyes met Haruka's. Her mouth was curved in a mischievous grin yet her brown eyes were gentle. He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed she had put on a blue shirt. Not that it covered much, but at least it left less skin to be exposed to his glance. He felt his fingertips still tingling and the tension mounting upon his shoulders and neck. He wondered why the others were taking so long in their return.

Haruka removed her headset, turned it off and set it aside. Reaching for the bottle, he poured a dab on her palm and began spreading the lotion over her legs. Ayato sensed that his brain had given the order to stand up and walk away but it apparently got lost in the way, confused with by the disarray of conflicting orders his body was receiving, because one part of himself wanted to stay and let wandering eyes move in the same direction her hands did over her long, shapely legs. He watched as her hands glided effortlessly from her thighs downwards. The small part of his brain that managed to withstand the sensorial onslaught demanded him to move away before he couldn't be able to conceal the way she affected him anymore. Ayato was about to move away back to where he had been sitting down originally when suddenly she rose and sat beside him. His rational mind told him there was a cool breeze blowing yet he could feel himself slowly smoldering from the inside out.

"Tell you what, you did such a great job that I have to repay you somehow. How about if I do your back this time?"

"You…you don't have to do that" Ayato struggled to reply. "I mean, the sun is about to set." Ayato stopped his stammering dead on tracks when he saw what he could swear was a pout forming on Haruka's face.

"But I really wanted to repay the favor…"

Rationality melted away with that single expression, taking whatever was left of Ayato's resolve away with it.

"Okay…" he murmured nodding his head in affirmative.

"I just hope I do a good job just like you did" chirped Haruka happily as she sat down behind Ayato. He let his lids descend as he sensed her fingers digging over his shoulders. It seemed she had noticed the tension because her hands kneaded and pressed the muscles until they managed to dissolve the knots. Her fingers were svelte yet surprisingly stronger than he would have expected. Her palms moved swiftly covering his firm skin with the lotion while her fingers expertly dealt with the knots until they yielded to the gentle pressure. Ayato couldn't believe how he had transitioned from tension to relaxation and it was all thanks to Haruka's expert hands. He could sense the warmth of her breath against his cheek as she worked on a particular knot over his right shoulder but instead of putting his body in a state of alert, he allowed himself to be coaxed to a state of calm and repose, enjoying the feeling of her warm hands sliding up and down from his neck down.

"I dare say, for an artist, you are surprisingly well built, Ayato-kun. Did you practice any sport back there at Tokyo?"

Ayato allowed a small smile curve on his lips. It felt really good that she thought he looked good. It felt good the fact that she had taken notice of him, and that alone gave him a small yet significant hope that she could eventually see more in him than just the young RahXephon instrumentalist.

"I wasn't much of a sportsman, but I guess it's because of the considerable walking I did back there when looking for a good spot for my paintings. And since I've been fighting with the RahXephon, I've been trying to exercise some more so I don't tire too quickly."

"Sounds reasonable enough. There, you sure had a lot of tension built up. I feel partially responsible for this, since I was the one who brought you here."

Ayato opened his eyes again, regretting that the moment had ended up all too quickly. He shifted around so he could face her, enjoying the simple pleasure of this momentary closeness.

"You shouldn't feel responsible for anything Haruka-san. In fact, I should thank you, because if it weren't for you, I would be still living a lie."

Ayato offered a gentle smile and in turn she replied with one of her own. Their glances locked and for a moment, it seemed time had stopped just like it had stopped inside the small shrine. A thought lodged on Ayato's mind. The attraction, lust, desire or however term he had used to describe what he initially thought he felt for the captain was morphing into something far more powerful and deep. The attraction was there, there was no way he could ever deny it and yet, it was these small moments that he felt were the most fulfilling. If only she could feel the same for him…

Her fingers graced his forehead, pushing a strand of stray hair back. His head tilted towards it as his hand captured hers before it moved away. The nervousness he had felt before had vanished and a strong resolve came in its place. The sun had finally set and the moon began its pilgrimage upwards. The wind blew brisk and the tide was slowly rising. Cool droplets of water rained down over the deck from the occasional wave that crashed against the yacht. Her eyes caught some of the shimmering light from the rising satellite in its crescent moon phase. For Ayato, it was more that he could resist. Without hesitation, he cupped her chin with his free hand. His face closed in on hers. His mind was vacated of all thoughts but one. He smiled inwardly as he noticed her eyes beginning to close and without any other words, their lips touched in a gentle kiss.

He wasn't sure of when or how it had happened but a burst of clarity within the tempest of his emotions had revealed that he now found himself inside one of the cabins, but he wasn't alone. In fact, he knew who was responsible of rousing his passions, the one who managed to render him helpless with a mere touch. He had allowed himself to be lead and tempted and tormented until he could not take anymore, just to covet it all over again. It was raw passion and a gentle peace, all merged at the same time. It was so intense it menaced to take his sanity away, yet when he rested peacefully nestled in her warm embrace, he couldn't wait to let the insanity take over him one more time.

An eternity later, Ayato found himself humming contentedly with Haruka in his arms. Taking advantage of their current position, his chest aligned with her back, he decided to indulge in a little fun. Brushing his chin lightly against the top of her shoulder, he was engrossed in searching for a particular spot on her neck. "There" he said to himself as he ran feathery kisses from the right earlobe downwards as his fingertips flexed against the taut skin of her abdomen.

"Mmmm" Kamina heard Haruka purr softly in delight and a smile came unbidden to his lips. The shorter hairstyle she sported did have its advantages, as it allowed him a better access to her neck and to that spot in particular. Payback could be some much fun. When it had been he who was lying on the same position, she had indulged in exploring the toned and firm skin of his abdomen, sliding slender fingers against every muscle, tracing the mark that identified him as an Instrumentalist. His breathing would always quicken whenever she did this and he could hear her muffled chuckle against his back. It hadn't taken long for her to find his Achilles' heel but apparently he had finally evened the game, as his mouth kept savoring the sensitive skin, noticing how she inhaled sharply. Her reaction emboldened him. His mouth shifted to her ear while his arm began moving upwards, pulling her even closer towards him. Her heartbeat drummed faster against his palm. A wandering hand brushed against her breast and he could instantly sense the tension beginning to build again. He became keenly aware of the way her backside pressed insistently against his waist and how their legs intertwined beneath the covers. Ayato slid from his current position while pulling her so they meet face to face again. His head bent downwards to claim her parted lips all over again, delighting in how her hands pulled his head down. The intensity of the kiss consumed him when suddenly, a high pitch chirp crept his mind from afar, distracting his attention from the woman in his arms to the annoying noise. His consciousness began to emerge from his slumber. As the real world took over the planes of the dreamworld, his immediate reaction was to curse bitterly.

"Kuso! How I hate that damned thing!"

The chirping of his watch resonated in crescendo inside his eardrums until Kamina could no longer ignore its insistent and very aggravating chirp. His right hand came over his left wrist and soon the noise was no more but unfortunately so was his dream, he realized while glaring at the gadget as a sigh escaped his lips.

"Haruka, what is this that you do to me? Why do I keep being assaulted by these sensations?" he said to himself while attempting to velar his thoughts. It was apparent that it was yet another cold shower for him before braving facing the captain at breakfast. Kamina shook his head, smiling as he imagined the livid and embarrassed expression her face would have if she ever found out about his dreams. The boy was quite certain she, or anyone else for that matter, wouldn't buy the version that he wasn't purposely focusing to have them. He was at that moment quite thankful that she couldn't read his thoughts or else he would surely be in deep trouble and he would prefer not to meet with her angry side.

"It is your fault for being so damn pretty…" he murmured as he ran down a mental list of possible apologies, should the dreadful moment of confession would ever arise. Still, he understood it was his conscious mind's way of trying to cope with the fact that it could not find a single reason for him to be experiencing such thoughts. Another day began, and another chance to sort out through the mesh of colliding emotions that kept on accumulating began. The thought of a teenager lusting over a woman 12 years older than him didn't sound too right but it wasn't impossible either, but the thought of this being more than physical attraction was worrisome. Then again, the thought of that same boy fighting to protect the world wasn't quite right either, yet it was the reality he lived in. Perhaps he could muster the small hope that in a warped world like the one they lived at, he would be able to discern and face his true feelings, and hope they could be reciprocated. He knew there had to be a reason why it only took her song to be brought back when everything he had deemed important laid inside the barrier that concealed a world of lies and deception.

Someday, he would finally know the truth, but for today, he readied for whatever was in store for him. But one thing he had for sure. He was ready to face it all because Haruka would be there for him. That certainty was enough for him.

"And now I know that your song will always lead me home."

_-Fin-_


End file.
